15 August 2010

Crisis - The Undisputed Fugly cousin of Greed

One of the funniest things i read about the economic crisis was of a situation where in the secretary had to sit on boss' lap because there weren't many chairs left in the office....but the reality was not funny at all...as usual...i have my own insightful gyaan to disseminate.

I believe in an eternal theory which says - if you play with yourself , one part of you is bound to lose...and that is what happened with the countries that got gripped in the recent economic crisis. Overconfident about their financial strength they overplayed with certain elements of their economy and got the crisis dildo up their's. There is another theory which presides over the first one and it is known as the 'Theory of Blame storming'...originally derived from a constructive term called 'Brainstorming'...this theory has become an international phenomenon in the recent years...excessively used in the corporate and economic sense...accordingly any kind of crisis, whether internal or external has to be blamed on someone's head...so here it gave rise to a retarded level of blame game among people and countries...as usual the brits blamed it on the queen , the french blamed it on carla bruni, the Russians blamed Vodka, the Chinese blamed Jackie chan, Manchow soup and Taiwan, the Italians blamed Berlusconi and his idiotic ways, the Japs blamed it on the U.S.A (even the 6th grader would have guessed ), the people of U.S.A blamed it on George W. Bush....Bush blamed it on the Democrats...Democrats blamed it back on the Republicans....with no options left, the Republicans blamed it on Ben Bernanke and Alan Greenspan (who were running out of space to hide)...Alan and Ben blamed it back on Bush and this time Bush blamed it on Afghanistan and Iraq....btw the shivsainiks blamed it on Pakistan...LOL...the only people who looked happy and did not blame anybody were the useless celebrity chasers from TMZ. While this blamestorming continued...the economists like Nouriel Roubini and Paul Krugman who forecasted the crisis were jerking off to glory with their unfathomable Bloomberg articles.

The crisis also gave some impetus to Donald Trump, because his favorite phrase 'You are fired' received immense fame as the corporates were firing their employees right, left and center...another thingy which gained fame was the term 'Pink slip'...to me it sounds more like a macau strip club for gay philipino's....it became one of the most dreaded word in the corporate history. On the scale of deadliness it was close to Cyanide...in fact a few people combined both the things to end their misery...a few things that came close to the lameness of 'pink slip' were :
    1.    Aishwarya Rai's Hollywood disaster 'pink panther 2' , after which she was offered the movie roles that got rejected by Mischa Barton.
    2.    Identity confused metro-sexual boys wearing pink Ed Hardy t-shirts.
 
The interest rates started going haphazard , the hedge funds hit the bottom of the ocean, few big investment companies had already collapsed, and the stock markets were amidst perfect cyclone, the underwriters were in deep sleep, Fannie Mae & Freddie Mac started sucking horse balls...the bankers had no clue as to how to get their money back..so they started filing for bankruptcies resulting in chain reaction of chaotic non-confidence movement in the finance sector which got stretched to many countries and economies....by this time most of the people had gotten to know that the money is not as disposable as it use to be....money became a tight commodity........and everybody including the corporates wanted to save up on cash....the only option left with them apart from liquidating the fixed asset was to start laying off the employees which consumed the substantial amount of money as a resource...so the management mixed business with a lot of pleasure and started distributing pink slip like birthday candies...getting fired was never so easy...it didn't matter if you were a performer , smooth talker, oxford grad or had unblemished dedication...if you had to be fired , then you had to be fired...not only the small time employees got fired but the high flying executives too , in a big number (equivalent to paki boys searching for 'Megan Fox nude' on Google)...because the top management thought that lets fire 1 guy who earns $250k rather than 4 guys earning $60k each...and it turned out that the biggest lenders during the period were the kids who broke open their piggy banks to support their laid-off banker daddies and the people like me who survived  this mess thought themselves to be the subjects of Darwin's theory of evolution. The websites publishing the articles like 'how to handle a layoff' and 'signs that you are about to get fired' generated more hits than ever before.

 On a serious note, lot many of such events were witnessed which emphasized a great deal on man's inclination towards money....more than the love for it , the fear of losing money is something which needs to be worked upon...no one has ever profited from fearing things....and no one ever will...the more you use money as a personal refusal device for all your miseries...the more will the crisis hurt you in every way possible.

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